2 Lives

I feel like I'm leading 2 different lives.
It's more glaring coming back here in Singapore after a 2-week stay in Manila.

In Manila, I hardly have time to myself to just be alone. I am constantly swept up in family meals, boyfriend quality time, reunion dinners and after dinner drinks with friends. I am dependent on others. I can't even go out alone because of security issues and the simple fact that I don't know how to drive. Somehow, I am also less adventurous. I always want to go visit this province but I never do it. I always read about exhibits or plays but I never consider going. I become sucked into a routine quite easily. I am somehow lazier also knowing there are maids to clean up after me. Time seems to pass quicker. When I'm there, I think is this it? The same places again? But if I'm not there, I miss those old places.

In Singapore, I am alone half the time whether holed up in my room after work or during a forced weekend home alone stay or while commuting. I am happy that way. In all honesty, I think I look forward to weekends here more than in Manila coz in Manila weekdays can be as fun as the weekends. Whereas here, I can literally do what I want on a weekend. Weekends are more precious. I am more adventurous and spontaneous here. I have gone out at 12 midnight for a girls night even when at 11pm I did not feel like it. I explore the city more, I go on cultural exhibits. I am more confident although I am a foreigner in this country. I am more hard working in a way, I have done laundry at midnight and do my chores every Saturday. I can do what I want on my own time.

So in the end, the question is, what is more important? To enjoy freedom and the first world OR to enjoy my loved ones and dependency?
It shouldn't have to be a choice. I should be able to have both.
That's one of my big faults, I always want to have it all.